I told my friends i should have chosen some career where I work with disadvantaged ppl or at least someone who is weak, who needs to be cared of… I hope I can go to disadvantaged areas to do those things. I hate money, and so I always feel like looking down on those who talk about money. Though I have to admit that I am once in a while tempted by something and wish I have so much money too.

So conflicting, so lost…

I told myself and thought to my self that I love my family, that I want to invite my parents, my sister and my niece to come here. So that at least once we all are together, enjoying a real vacation together.

At the same time I procrastinate, I get distracted, I am lazy, SUPER LAZY!!!

What’s wrong with me? So I told my friend: Bottom line is I just want to have an easy, boring, wasteful life. That’s real me. That I don’t want to put effort, much effort, great effort in anything, anything. Maybe that’s why even now I have nothing that I create from scratch. Nothing. Nothing.

Then now where should I start? How should I start? How to start all over again? I can’t see any light in this long dark tunnel. I have to make decision, or I have not? Will I keep being such a suck person like now? For how long??? How can I get out of here? And how soon it is???

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