September 1

I heard “I need to tell you a secret: Anh yeu em”… Minnesota State Fair…
Is it true or is it just a dream?

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Life threw curves…

Unexpected… but I am happy….

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I have to make sure it’s not giving up:

It’s July 26th. I decided to “temporarily” stop with a Master, and keep the option of going back to PhD later if I want.

Some agree, some not. I myself think this is the best thing right now I can do to myself. It’s a real alert for me to know that I have been not doing a good job at all. I have not been trying my best. I am not serious, not disciplined, not persistent… Too many NOTs I think.

But I have to accept that’s who I am. And NOT STOP there but FIX it.

I am sorry, Father. Your dream about me is not completed yet. I don’t know how long you’ll have to wait. But I believe you will support me in any of my decisions. I am sorry, Mother. For all you have done for me, for keeping you worried all the past time.

I ow you two, my advisor, and all my friends too for supporting me, encouraging me and I fail to meet your expectation now.

But I do have to make sure it’s not giving up.

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Meandering…

I know I won’t ever be completely happy if I keep living like this… postponing things from one day to the next day…
Family visit, then Sheboygan w-e, then Joel’s date…

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One after another

Now it’s Soojin. She will leave by September. So I think all people that are close to me will leave.
Why am I always the last one to leave? I hate that, I really hate that.
Lessons learnt: @@
And… another story with J: How long will it last?

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Thư nhà

Cháu Tâm thương nhớ, 

Nhân dịp bố, mẹ, chi Hà và cháu Huyền sang Hoa Kỳ thăm và dự lễ báo cáo luận án, hai bác gửi lời hỏi thăm…..

Lòng nhớ thương cháu thời không diễn tả hết, thân gái dặm trường, mong cháu tự tin tiến bước. Thư ngắn tình dài, mong cháu hiểu cho…

Ông chúc cháu luôn luôn dồi dào sức khỏe, mọi lý tưởng mong muốn đều đạt nguyện vọng tối đa cho đất nước đang mong đợi ở cháu.

Ông có cái não nó hỏng, giờ nói trước quên sau, không thuốc gì chữa được. Một lần nữa ông chúc con luôn mạnh khỏe.

Thời gian này mình ít nói chuyện với nhau quá…. hay là vì (theo tui) có những điều nói ra chỉ làm cho bạn lo lắng nên thôi cứ giữ cho mình.

Cũng không còn nhiều thời gian nữa nhưng là quãng thời gian cao điểm. Tui mong đồng chí sẽ hoàn thành xuất xuất sắc mục tiêu… Nhưng đừng làm mình căng thẳng quá nhé. Hạnh phúc nằm trên đường đi chứ không phải đích đến. <_ Cai nay tui đã đọc, đã nghe, nhưng mà hình như k thấm. 😀

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Meandering from one to another flower… Or just confused, so confused…

That’s a comment I received from one eHarmony contact that I keep exchanging email back and forth recently. I don’t know if it turns out to something for long term, but it keeps me waiting and looking forward to something.
My mind these days is basically empty. I lost the ability to think. I went to office but can’t get it focused. It’s super hot outside that grasses on parks, hills… are basically dying. But it seems not a good explanation though.
I am just not interested at all in my dissertation. I didn’t see the purpose of finishing it. I know what I am looking for. I want to find my other half, I want to have my own family, I feel so lonely. I am scared of my bad knowledge, and I don’t want to see that. Maybe this is it. I am so coward.
How to live life brave, and cheerful?
Looking for something in eHarmony helps me feel like there is something that I wait for, and is waiting for me too.
But deep down inisde, I know I just try to avoid, to procrastinate. I am just so scared of what is in front of me, and I try to find an alternative. To find someone that will live my life for me? Why can I be that coward?
How can I escape this life without doing something with my dissertation? I don’t know what something is really, but at least something… either I take all courage to tell my advisor I would like to stop here.
What is really who I am? Coward? Stubborn to give up? Long for a family? Or just try to escape, to find an alternative?
Am I doubtful about the purpose of my life? Am I doubtful of who I am? of what I can do? of what I want to do? or simply i just get used to a useless life too much that it’s a huge mountain to get back to a normal, responsible life?
Yes, I become so irresponsible…
Just heard a news in the middle, and this is what i got: When we ask them how they want their future look like, they were all vague and faint. The only vivid thing they have is the past that they experienced….
I seem me in these setences. I don’t know what I am up to, heading to… I just saw the bad side of my life. I need to shift my focus.
Shift my focus!

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